The Ghosts Of Festive Seasons Past
Breaking Old Family Roles
Maybe you’re the peacemaker, smoothing over arguments at the dinner table.
Maybe you’re the one who hosts everything, even when you’re exhausted.
Maybe you’re the listener, the one who absorbs everyone else’s stress.
Or the clown, joking through discomfort so no one has to feel the tension.
And every year, like clockwork, the festive season rolls in and we slip into these familiar parts without question. We become who we used to be, not who we are now.
These roles can feel like the ghosts of festive seasons past—lingering expectations, inherited obligations, and emotional scripts written long before we were aware we were performing.
But what if this year… we didn’t?
The weight of who we used to be
Christmas time can have a strange way of transporting us back in time.
We return to the spaces we grew up in, and suddenly it’s easier to feel 12 again than the grounded, self-aware adult we’ve spent years becoming. Old dynamics resurface. Old triggers stir. Old patterns reappear like lines in a play we never auditioned for.
These roles aren’t always harmful on the surface. Some of them look like helpfulness, generosity, or tradition.
But here’s the question worth asking:
Are these roles chosen or inherited?
Giving yourself permission to evolve
Part of growing up is rewriting your story even when that means disappointing expectations.
You are allowed to change, even if others prefer the older version of you.
You don’t have to:
- singlehandedly manage the emotional climate of a gathering
- take on tasks because “you always do it”
- sacrifice your peace to maintain someone else’s comfort
- You don’t have to prove your worth through labour, compliance, or being the “easy one.”
- This season, give yourself permission to show up as the person you’ve worked hard to become
Breaking the pattern (gently)
Breaking old roles doesn’t require confrontation or drama. Sometimes it begins with small, subversive shifts:
- Instead of hosting, you suggest a potluck or even say, “I can’t do it this year.”
- Instead of fixing tension, you allow people to manage their own emotions.
- Instead of absorbing stress, you choose boundaries and walk away when needed.
- You don’t need a speech.
- You need clarity and courage.
Choosing peace over performance
Ask yourself:
Who am I when I’m not performing this old role?
What do I need this holiday to feel like?
Maybe this year, Christmas doesn’t look like over-functioning or being “on.”
Maybe it looks like showing up quietly.
Maybe it looks like leaving early.
Maybe it looks like redefining togetherness on your own terms.
Peace is not selfish.
Peace is a boundary.
Family roles are old stories.
But stories can be rewritten.
This year, choose presence over pressure.
Choose authenticity over obligation.
Choose the version of you who has grown, healed, and learned what your heart needs.
Let the ghosts of festive seasons past stay in the past.
You are allowed to step into a new chapter.
You are allowed to be new.