Loneliness is a very human topic and increasingly recognised as a major social and psychological concern, not just an individual feeling but a collective condition shaped by how we live today.

It usually arises from disconnection, but that disconnection can be subtle and cumulative rather than dramatic.

Loneliness as a rising concern for several very important reasons. The way our communities are structure can now look every different from previous generations view, and our pattern of work in terms of remote working, long hours or unstable employment challenges can reduce every day social interaction. Team this with the emphasis on independence and self-sufficiency along with the paradox of a digital age, it can be easy to see where the rich embodied, emotional relationships are being reduced and even erased.

Life transitions, grief and illness, caregiving roles, marginalisation and periods of self-growth can all cause some degree of change which often leads to a loneliness spike.

Loneliness isn’t simply “being alone.” It’s the gap between the connection we want and the connection we experience. Many societies now report higher levels of loneliness across age groups, especially among young adults and older people. Public health bodies have even begun framing chronic loneliness as a risk factor comparable to smoking or obesity.

Loneliness can feel different for each individual, however, there are some common elements such as a hollow or aching sensation in the chest or stomach, feeling generally ‘out of sync’ with the world, a heaviness or fatigue and a quiet grief all potential signs.

Loneliness is not a personal failure. It is often a signal:

“I need connection that is real, safe, and mutual.”

In many cases, it reflects not individual weakness, but a mismatch between human needs and modern social structures.

Recognising the signs and symptoms of loneliness in yourself or in someone else you care about is the first step to recovery and rediscovering your connections.

In February, with the annual Valentines day, and the emphasis being on care, companionship and relationships, why not take the opportunity to evaluate your meaningful connections? This may feel onerous at first, especially if you have been sensing the loneliness vibe, but it’s a starting point from which to build.

Loneliness as a signal, not a failure.

Try out my self-reflection checklist (available as a free download on the Habits page)

Many people come to therapy feeling confused by a sense of loneliness they can’t quite explain. On the surface, life may look full of things like relationships, work, responsibilities, and yet there is a quiet feeling of disconnection underneath it all. This kind of loneliness isn’t about being alone or doing something wrong; it often emerges during periods of growth, transition, or increased self-awareness. Naming it can be the first step toward understanding what it’s asking for and how connection might begin to feel possible again.