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When Fear Takes Over

Susan Grainger Therapy Posted on by

Understanding Fears And Phobias In Adults And Children

We all experience fear. It’s part of being human. Perhaps it’s that uncomfortable feeling before speaking in public, the sudden jolt when a spider appears, or the nervous anticipation before boarding an aeroplane.

For children, fear might look different: monsters under the bed, reluctance to sleep alone, fear of dogs or worry about going to school. Some fears seem reasonable. Others leave us wondering, “Why am I so frightened of that?”

Fear doesn’t always respond to logic. We can know something is unlikely to harm us and still experience a very real physical and emotional reaction.

Fear: Our Built-in Protection System

Fear is an important survival mechanism. When our brain detects a possible threat, the fight, flight or freeze response prepares us to react. Our heart may beat faster, breathing changes, muscles tighten and attention narrows. That is useful when danger is genuine. But our alarm system can also respond to situations we anticipate, remember or imagine. Sometimes it becomes a little too enthusiastic.

What Is The Difference Between Fear And Phobia

Fear is a natural emotional response to something we perceive as threatening. It may be uncomfortable, but we can often manage it and carry on. A specific phobia involves a persistent, excessive fear of a particular object or situation, often accompanied by avoidance and significant distress or disruption.

Fear

Natural response to perceived danger

Often manageable

Usually limited impact on daily life

Can lessen with experience

Phobia

Intense and persistent response

Can feel overwhelming

May significantly restrict activities

Can persist despite recognising limited danger

Someone who dislikes flying may feel nervous but still travel. Someone with a flying phobia may worry for weeks, experience panic symptoms or avoid travelling altogether. The distinction is not only the intensity of fear, but how much it influences behaviour and quality of life. What are we commonly afraid of?

  • Spiders and insects: sometimes linked to sudden movement or unpredictability.
  • Flying: worries about turbulence, enclosed spaces or lack of control.
  • Heights: fears of falling, losing balance or being unsafe.
  • Dentists, needles and medical procedures: sometimes associated with pain or previous experiences.
  • Dogs, enclosed spaces, vomiting, driving, public speaking and social situations.

Not everyone who fears something develops a phobia. Some fears remain mild; others spread into different parts of life.

How Do Fears And Phobias Develop?

There is not always one clear cause. A frightening experience can leave a lasting association. We may also learn fear by observing others, hearing alarming stories or repeatedly imagining what could go wrong. Temperament, experiences and patterns of anxiety can all contribute.

Avoidance can keep a fear going: a person anticipates danger, feels anxious, avoids the situation and experiences immediate relief. That relief can reinforce avoidance, leaving little opportunity to learn that the situation might be manageable.

What About Children?

Children’s fears often reflect their developmental stage. Younger children are learning to distinguish imagination from reality, while older children become more aware of risks, relationships and other people’s opinions.

  • Toddlers and preschoolers: loud noises, separation, strangers, darkness and imaginary creatures.
  • Primary school children: animals, being alone, illness, accidents or something happening to a parent.
  • Older children and teenagers: rejection, embarrassment, failure, examinations and social situations.

These are general patterns, not fixed age rules. Children may express anxiety through tummy aches, tears, irritability, disturbed sleep or reluctance to take part in activities. They do not always have the words to describe what they feel.

When Should Parents Become Concerned?

Consider seeking professional guidance if a fear persists, intensifies or interferes with school, friendships, sleep or family life. A child who refuses to visit friends because of a dog, for example, may need more than reassurance. The aim is to understand their experience and support manageable progress, not to force them into overwhelming situations.

Five Ways To Help A Frightened Child

  1. Acknowledge the feeling: “I can see that feels really scary for you.”
  2. Be curious: gently ask what they think might happen.
  3. Explain the body’s alarm response: a racing heart or butterflies can be signs of anxiety.
  4. Encourage small, achievable steps, ideally with guidance when fears are severe.
  5. Celebrate courage: being brave can mean trying something while still feeling nervous.

 

A Few Interesting Facts

NHS England’s Adult Psychiatric Morbidity Survey 2023/24 reported phobia in 3.3% of adults aged 16–64 in England, compared with 2.1% in 2007. The US National Institute of Mental Health estimates that 12.5% of US adults experience a specific phobia at some point in their lives. These measures cover different populations and time periods and should not be compared directly.

What Actually Helps

Overcoming a phobia is rarely as simple as deciding not to be frightened. Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT), particularly carefully planned gradual exposure, is a well-established treatment for specific phobias. Understanding fear, developing coping skills and learning to tolerate anxiety can also support progress. Treatment should be suited to the individual, and children may benefit from parent involvement.

Where Does Hypnotherapy Fit In?

In my work as a clinical hypnotherapist and psychotherapist, I recognise that people respond to fear differently. For some, a helpful starting point is managing the physical sensations of anxiety and developing calm. For others, we may explore thoughts, associations and experiences that contribute to the fear.

Hypnotherapy may be used as a complementary approach to relaxation, imagery and confidence-building, although the evidence for treating specific phobias is less established than the evidence for CBT with gradual exposure. My approach is collaborative, taking account of individual circumstances, readiness and goals, and encouraging access to evidence-based phobia treatment where appropriate.

A Final Thought: What Might Fear Be Stopping You From Doing?

Perhaps there is a holiday you have avoided booking, an opportunity you have turned down or an experience you would love to enjoy. Or perhaps you are a parent watching your child struggle with something that seems ordinary to everyone else.

Fear can be persuasive, but the boundaries it creates do not always have to stay where they are. With understanding, appropriate support and manageable steps, it is possible to develop a different relationship with fear.

“Fear is a feeling, not necessarily a forecast of what will happen.”

If fear or a phobia is affecting your life or your child’s confidence, you are welcome to contact Susan Grainger Therapy for an initial conversation about your needs and the support available.

Sources And Further Reading

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